I haven’t mentioned much about the adoption lately……mostly because there is nothing to mention. Fingerprints are still gathering dust at the FBI office. For some reason, I REALLY thought the clearance letter would arrive this week, but no. No hurry, don’t worry, it’s not like there are children waiting for families halfway around the world.
I go between thinking things like that and feeling bitter to having total peace. 95% of the time I am at peace. One second I will think, “but what if our son is on the next special needs list that comes out and this paperwork hold up keeps us from getting him?”……only to remind myself how dumb that is because how could he be our son if we can’t get him? God has already matched us with a child and our path to him is written. So, yes, for the most part, I am at peace.
Being at peace (while quite peaceful) does take a lot of the fire out of you. For instance, I have no motivation lately to do anything in reference to the adoption. A passport application for Isaac has been sitting (un-filled out) on our desk since before Christmas. My friend loaned us his Rosetta Stone Mandarin lessons and I have yet to use them. Even as I am decorating our dining room, I don’t even want to think about turning the office into another boy’s room. I can’t even get excited about planning our next fundraising yard sale even though I have people waiting to give us great items to sell. This is a more than ideal time to be doing all of that stuff, but it literally feels like the adoption is never going to happen. I know it will, I know that, but it doesn’t feel that way now. And frankly, until we get these fingerprints back, I just feel like laying under my electric blanket and eating Thin Mints.
There is no due date with an adoption. This could be a 2-year gestation. Think about this, the fingerprint situation has been going on since July. If I had conceived a child in July, I would be about to give birth. But here I am with only my flat stomach (well, not TOO flat after all those Thin Mints) to console me…….at least I have that.
When we were finishing up our homestudy, our social worker was going over the timeline for the rest of the adoption with us. We figured it was likely that we would travel by late summer. Then the fingerprint holdup. We have since been hoping against hope that we travel in this calendar year. That is looking less and less likely. A due date would be nice, but it ain’t happening.
Say a little prayer for us!