….and checking it twice. Literally. I made a list a few weeks ago of questions to ask Matthew’s foster mother at our first meeting in Korea. We will have a translator there and it is pretty standard to ask the foster parents questions. At first my list was composed of mostly practical questions:
Where does he sleep?
Does he still take naps/bottles?
How do you calm him down when he is upset?
Lots of questions like that. But then I was studying his picture the other day and noticed (not for the first time) that he has a pretty good scar right between his eyes. We have a video of him from April wearing a bandage there, so it probably happened right around then. And I panicked because I thought, what if I never knew how he got that scar? What if he is on a great date one night when he’s in college and they are learning all about each other, and she asks, “how did you get that scar?”. It broke my heart to think that he might not know this piece of his past….and that I might not be able to tell him. So now I have to add some more questions that are important for us to know….just for him, just for his personal history.
How did he get that scar?
What was his first word?
When did he take his first steps?
This is all stuff I take for granted having known Isaac from Day 1. If he ever gets a scar, I will be able to tell the story over and over. I remember which one of his freckles was the FIRST freckle he ever had. I know that when he was born he didn’t have a single eyelash and when he cried he had real tears–HUGE real tears–(something the nurses claimed never happened when a baby is first born). I can laugh about the fact that he was bald for so long that we made him Charlie Brown for his first Halloween (at the age of 1!). I can tell the story of his first trip to the emergency room and laugh because he was fine and I was just a nervous mother. I remember that when he took his first steps I was in the shower, and by the time I got out, he was practically running. His first word was technically da-da, but after that he said “star, stop sign, and sunshine”. They all kind of sounded the same, but we knew what he meant. I wish I knew every intimate detail of Matthew’s history like this. I trust that his foster family will share as much as they can–I just hope I remember to ask the right questions.
To all you other adoptive parents out there….any recommendations on what to ask? Anything I may have forgotten?