I have to admit I am so emotionally exhausted. Of course, the day began with meeting Matthew which was wonderful. He is so perfect. No one would ever believe he waited so long for a family because of a “special need”. He is a typical, independent, HEADSTRONG two year old who loves to play. So there was a lot of joy today.
However there was also a lot of sadness. The foster mother is grieving the loss of Matthew and I feel her pain deeply. There are also all of the losses Matthew is about to experience. Then there is the reality that this child is virtually a stranger to us. I love him. I have loved him since before I knew his name, when he was only a picture. But now I must begin the journey of falling IN LOVE with him. And even scarier (because I know it will take so much longer) is the knowledge that he must fall in love with me too. This child who I have yet to make smile. It is rather daunting.
So after our meeting and our lunch, we came back to the room and took a nap. When we woke up I had a good long cry as I thought of the road ahead for all of us: Matthew, Isaac, the foster family, and Jason and me. Jason, as always, is confident and positive that things will be wonderful. We are good for each other like that. We never both freak out at the same time–one of us is always calm and positive somehow. Thank God for that.
After that I pulled myself together because I desperately wanted to do some shopping. However, I am not exaggerating a bit when I say it is getting colder by the second here, so I desperately wanted to do some indoor shopping. First we had to go exchange some money and then we went to the Hyundai department store. Since I can buy all the overpriced clothing I want in the US, we headed over to the COEX mall. Although it also was mostly clothing stores, there was a large bookstore and we bought some gorgeous souvenirs. I was extremely pleased with what we were able to find there.
Tomorrow we are going to try to visit a palace and one of the shopping districts (probably Insadong) if we don’t turn into icicles!!
We have another meeting with Matthew on Wednesday. I am grateful for another chance to interact with him. For now it is off to bed!