Every day the wonderful happens…

and I'm here to blog about it.

Not Ready to Close the Door February 10, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Elizabeth @ 4:31 PM

Today I had my annual appointment with my “lady doctor”. (That is the most discreet way I can think of to say that, it is not actually what I call her, as a matter of fact, I find the word “lady” a little bit weird!).

ANYwhooooo……you can imagine, I had a lot of time while sitting in the waiting room to reminisce about my pregnancy(ies). The elevator ride up to the 7th floor reminded me that I used to have to will myself not to throw up on that ride every time during my pregnancy with Isaac….everything made me sick. I remembered the day I got an ultrasound and was told, “sorry, there’s no heartbeat”. I remembered walking into the hallway and looking out a window while I called Jason on my cell phone to tell him that news. I remembered finding out we were having a boy, and I remembered my last OB appointment when they sent me over to Labor and Delivery to have my baby.

I am around pregnant women a lot. I teach 2 prenatal water aerobics classes every week. I am normally not at all nostalgic or wistful about pregnancy. I am actually pretty confident that our family is about as big as it is ever going to be, and I am happy about that. A part of me is very excited that the boys are so close in age and that we are reaching a very, very fun stage in their lives….where traveling is a little bit easier and we don’t live and die by naptime.

But for a little while today, I missed that time. I saw the glowing women, the excitement as they got to hear the heartbeat. Granted, the only time I “glowed” was due to the cold sweat I broke out in every time I puked…..still, there was so much that was beautiful about that time. A small part of me began to mourn all that I didn’t get to experience with Matthew. Hearing that heartbeat, seeing him on an ultrasound, feeling those kicks….that sweet newborn time, and so much more.

During my appointment, talk rolled around to birth control. I told my doctor that we were 99.9% sure that we were done. And she said, “but you’re not ready to close the door yet”. And that was exactly it. And I was surprised to say it. But it’s true.

Right now, we’re done, we’re complete, and we are so very happy this way. And the door is pretty much closed…..but let’s not lock it just yet.

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4 Responses to “Not Ready to Close the Door”

  1. Yvonne Says:

    I so get this. We think we are done but who knows what God has in store for us. It has already been so much better than anything we could have planned. Great post and thanks for sharing.

  2. Chaukie Says:

    I completely understand. While giving birth to a child will never be a possibility for me, every once in a while (and I mean once in a while) I think about adopting again. I am 99.9999999% sure we are done, but I will never say never. And if either of my children ever has a biological sibling placed and available for adoption, my husband and I would jump at the chance. Thankfully, adoption requires us to thoroughly think through our decision before we proceed. If I could get pregnant, I have no doubt that we would have more children, as I would have been caught in one of those weak moments when I wanted another child. Thankfully, it is not that easy!

  3. Crazy Mom Says:

    bYou are soooooo gonna have 3!!!!!!!!beemirr

  4. I've always wondered how mothers know when their families are complete…and maybe for a lot of them there's an "unlocked door". Whether you have another child or family is complete, it's obvious that your family right now is beautiful and blessed!


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