….so little that is of any relevance.
I have a lot of things rolling through my head today that I wanted to blog about. Jason and I had our first date night since Matthew came home–an amazing night with a leisurely dinner out and the house to ourselves when we returned home. (Matthew spent the night with my mom and Isaac with my aunt).
An absolutely gorgeous day spent outside on Saturday with both boys where we got a lot done (23 bags of mulch and way more to go), had a lot of fun, and had one of those days that made being a mom feel easy.
A yucky stomach virus that affected Isaac for a mere 35 minutes but knocked me flat on my back for 24 hours. It got to my aunt, but Jason, Matthew, and my mom seem to have escaped it….for now.
But there is one thing that happened on Friday that is still ringing in my ears. One sentence uttered from Isaac’s mouth that tells me we have a lot of work to do around here. Who even knows how or what happened to prompt this, but we had been playing outside and we decided to go out for ice cream (these plans were promptly changed when Isaac suddenly threw up in the car on the way there). I loaded the boys up in the car, buckled them in and came inside to get my purse. I walked back down, looking so forward to a lovely carefree afternoon out with my boys. Right when I opened the car door, Isaac said to me matter of factly,
“Matthew needs his mommy, but she’s in Korea.”
For a second I felt the wind knocked out of me. Isaac said this a number of times right after Matthew came home, and I consistently reminded him that I was Matthew’s mommy and we were his family. Yet sometimes Isaac still says to me, “Mommy, this is my friend Matthew”. I always say, “Isn’t he your brother too?” because I don’t want to discourage that they are friends!
I calmly told Isaac that Matthew does have a mommy in Korea, but she couldn’t take care of him, so now I will be his mommy and we will be his family. He responded, “oh yeah, ya wight, ya wight, mommy”. (Translation: you’re right) And that was that…..for then.
I know it’s confusing to him because we still talk about and look at pictures of Matthew’s foster mother (omma) and I’m sure he can’t imagine that SHE couldn’t take care of Matthew. It is hard to explain that there are 3 mothers in this story and how and why they all fit in.
I think Jason and I have fooled ourselves into thinking it isn’t worth getting too detailed in our explanations because the boys won’t understand. But I am realizing 2 things now. 1)Isaac definitely understands A LOT. It is silly to underestimate him. And Matthew understands more and more every day. 2)I think that it would be a great idea to talk about it a lot now while they don’t understand every detail. It gives us the experience and time to tell the story over and over tweaking it when needed and learning the best way to tell it.
I think it’s also time to bring out the book When You Were Born in Korea to help us as we talk to BOTH boys. Thankfully I am getting started on Matthew’s lifebook right now to help us make a personal memory book about the 2.5 years he spent in Korea before he joined our family. I know that both of these are going to be great tools when telling his story.
It was a good wake up call for me. I think it reminded me that I have to carve out time to have these discussions. The boys are not just going to stop riding their tricycles and come ask me to explain this. It broke my heart a little that Isaac still didn’t get it. It broke my heart to think that he might have been telling Matthew in the car that day (not in a mean way, but matter of fact way) that his mommy was somewhere else. It made me feel small that I haven’t taken enough initiative to make sure that every member of our family fully understands Matthew’s story.
So I am committing to getting some conversations started over here….I will let you know how they go!!!