Protected: What Has Kept Us So Busy June 30, 2010
Well I was in a hurry and was just going to put up a few pictures from the last few days–some really good pictures!!!! But then I realized that I left my camera at my aunt’s house last night.
So we have been just a bit busy.
Yeonju is here until Saturday and obviously we are trying to do some fun stuff while she’s here. Matthew has been to the doctor twice in 2 days–once to an after hours clinic. He is totally fine now, by the way. We have an offer on our house, which meant we had to find another house! Which meant we drug Yeonju around on 2 different days looking at homes. Which was kind of fun, to us, and to her, especially since we ditched the kids for that. We found a house (it was Yeonju’s favorite, too!) and have a contract on it….to move in less than a month!!!
Oh, and there is the small matter of Matthew’s court date tomorrow. True to form, I bought the boys special shirts and have nothing to wear myself. Classic.
So, yeah, how lame is it that I have only posted pictures once since Yeonju got here? I guess it is true that I haven’t had much time. During naptime, when I usually blog, she and I make a pot of coffee and talk and talk. That is actually preferable to blogging though, so I will stick with catching up after she goes.
I will leave you with one laugh since I can pull these pics off the web……lest you think I have professional pictures of celebrities on my camera. She and I like to watch Design Star together on HGTV. Commercials for my favorite designer, David Bromstad, kept coming on. I pointed out to her that I found him to be ultra-dreamy, despite being ultra-gay….oh yeah, and I like his designs too.
She laughed and seemed just a bit surprised by how handsome I think he is. Then she told me something that made me laugh out loud…..and wonder if all Americans DO look alike. She said he reminded HER of Arnold Schwarzenegger!!!!!
I guess I can understand with the chiseled facial features and big smile, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t kill a little bit of the spark I carry for Mr. Bromstad. Cause the Terminator, y’all? Is not hot. Well……maybe if I was like 50 or something.
Nah. I would just be a cougar and still pine for Bromstad.
Okay, enough about that–this post has taken a turn even I didn’t see coming. Who is your ridiculous celebrity crush?
Mommy and Nuna’s Day of Freedom June 27, 2010
We have had a busy, but fun, weekend around here. I am only awake enough to write about Saturday for now. Yeonju and I pawned the boys off on Jason on Saturday so we could have a day of shopping. We went to a farmers market, a quaint little downtown shopping area, a Korean market, a large shopping center by our house…..and yes, we went to Wal Mart. And I will tell you why later…..
First of all, let me say that things are getting better with Matthew. On Friday night, he finished dinner and was whining for Yeonju and tugging on her arm while she was trying to eat. I was done so I picked him up and carried him back to our room (amid loud, screaming protests). I sat with him on my bed and asked him to please calm down so we could talk. I held him in my lap facing me and told him how much everybody loved him. I named everyone in our family including Nuna. Then I told him that I was his mommy and I wasn’t going anywhere. That we would be together forever. I also told him that Yeonju was his sister, just as Isaac is his brother. That she loves him very much, but that she had to go back to Korea soon. But again, that the rest of us would still be here with him. He was laughing at the end of our conversation. I didn’t know if it would stick, but it seems he is less frantic since then. Sometimes he still wants her to hold him or prefers her. But he isn’t rejecting me in the process. And sometimes he wants to be with me. I hope this helped him to understand our situation.
So, she and I had a great time on our shopping trip. I have to emphasize again that I believe we would be friends even if we didn’t have Matthew in common (we probably wouldn’t cry as much when we talked if we didn’t talk about Matthew) but we would be friends. She helped me find more things at the Korean market that I had questions about. We had lunch and coffee and shopped even more. She kept asking if we would go by a store that sold bikes. Finally she asked me to take her somewhere with children’s bikes. Enter Wal Mart. We went looking and examined some of the bikes and she said that she wanted to buy them both (BOTH!) a bike. I was speechless. I said no, then I said I wanted to pay half, but she held her ground. Through tears she told me that she wanted to buy them something very special that they would always remember….and what child doesn’t remember their first bike??? When I saw how much it meant to her, I knew that I needed to let her do that.
At the end of our shopping day, we had done a lot of talking, confessing, crying, laughing, and coffee drinking. I know we had walked miles and I was exhausted. But it was an interesting kind of tired. My body was tired, but my mind felt refreshed and happy. Not like after a day with the boys when my body is tired and mentally I am wiped out.
That night my aunt had us over for dinner and in addition to great food, we were able to have a glass of wine and sit on her deck, overlooking the city. A perfect ending to a perfect day!
Protected: The Narrator June 26, 2010
Protected: On a Lighter Note… June 24, 2010
First off, thanks for the comments on yesterday’s post. I was feeling very apprehensive last night (clearly!), and just needed to get it all out there. Things have been better today in a lot of ways even though Matthew is still displaying a lot of the same behavior.
Yeonju is still working on jet lag and getting on our schedule, so she slept in this morning until almost 11. I was surprised that Matthew woke up this morning and never even asked me about her. It was business as usual all morning long, but he was as excited as ever when she came upstairs. Immediately he grabbed her hand and led her away into another room. I gave them some time together and then Isaac and I went in to join them. After a few minutes he began to scream at me saying, mommy leave!!! I would like to say that those words rolled off my back, but in actuality, Knife.In.My.Heart. Thankfully, Yeonju immediately said this isn’t okay. She brought him back into the room with us and spent the rest of the day trying to keep him cohesive with the family. I breathed a huge sigh of relief that she and I are on the same page. If it was someone else, this could have turned into a really awkward situation, but she totally respects our position. Thank you, God, for that.
So not long after she got up, we had lunch. Also weird: Matthew spends mealtime demanding food off her plate. He wants her to feed him…..which leads to Isaac asking for food off her plate too. Poor Yeonju will probably lose 10 pounds while she is here!!
So after lunch, the boys took a really long nap which left Yeonju and I over 2 hours to talk. It was a really good time. She is someone I would enjoy hanging out with even if we didn’t have this bond. We talked a lot about Matthew. We both cried. We discussed family, Korean food, travel, movies, TV shows, and we got to ask each other questions about life and culture in our very different worlds. It was very interesting and I may do a separate post about the things I learn from her. Oh, and she likes coffee, so we put on a pot and had a little girl fest. That was really, really nice.
After the boys napped, we made a quick trip to the grocery store and I made some dinner. At bedtime, Matthew started to get upset that I was going to brush his teeth (Nuna do it, Nuna do it!!!), and she discreetly slipped out of his room, so I read to him. He fussed about that for 30 seconds or so, but then was fine with me doing it.
Tomorrow she and I will take the boys to their favorite storytime at the library. Then when the boys are napping, Yeonju, Jason and I are going to look at some potential houses for us to move to (we think we have a buyer!!!!).
It is really hard to see the emotional roller coaster Matthew is on. The highs are HIGH. He is so ecstatic. But the lows……let’s just say he FREAKED out when Yeonju went to the restroom and he thought she wasn’t coming to the grocery store with us. I really worry about how he will handle her leaving.
This is also an awesome opportunity for him, and for us as a family. Just seeing the joy on his face is a gift to me. And you can never have TOO many people loving you. That’s just not possible.
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not June 22, 2010
Yeonju finally made it here around lunchtime today!! I had both boys with me when we met her at the airport and everyone was so excited. She spotted us first and was in tears immediately when she saw Matthew. He knew her at once and was thrilled. He immediately reached for her hand and walked her all the way to our car.
We had some lunch at home and then it was naptime. Matthew informed me immediately that he wanted Nuna to read him his book. They had a nice time reading and snuggling…..and then everybody took a nap.
Can I just tell you that my heart sings seeing them together. The joy on his face of seeing someone familiar, someone that he has missed, someone that looks like him! The tears on her face as she sees how much he has grown, the way she strokes his hair. It is priceless.
Yeonju was able to rest for a few hours, but I know she wants to get on “our time” as soon as possible so she was up again to eat dinner with us. After dinner the boys played for awhile. So far, it seems that if Yeonju is in the room, Matthew insists that she be right next to him. Which is fine, and even to be expected. What makes my adoptive mama antenna really perk up though is that he seems to feel that it has to be either her or me…..no, that isn’t really it. It seems like he feels that loving me in her presence is disloyal to her.
I looked on patiently as he insisted he wanted Nuna (only Nuna!!) at naptime and playtime, but at bathtime when he pushed me away and said Nuna do it, I held my ground and said I would be giving him his bath. I didn’t mind that he wanted her to read him his books at bedtime until I went in to tell him that he had read enough books and was up an hour later than he should have been, and he pushed me away and screamed for her. And every time I told him I loved him, he refused to answer. It was then that I felt things trending in a direction that I didn’t feel comfortable with.
So I stayed to tuck him in while she kissed him and slipped out. Even though he didn’t really want that. But right when she stepped out of the room, he was okay with me again. And even though he went to bed calmly and quietly, I went BACK in 20 minutes later because I felt like we both needed some quiet cuddle time together. That, and I wasn’t going to go to sleep without telling him I loved him and hearing it in return. And yes, I did hear it. But of course, only when we were alone.
I will say that when she is not around (for instance after he got up from his nap today and she was still sleeping) he seems just as content and attached to me as always. He sat next to me on the couch and wrapped my arm around him. But when she appears, I am so OVER. And I really don’t say any of this to be petty. I love that his heart is big enough to love all of us…..and no, he doesn’t even have to love me the most.
I just want and need him to know that it is safe to love all of us at the same time–that there is no need to choose.
Certainly Yeonju isn’t doing anything wrong. She is not being pushy or trying to create a wedge between us. Not at all. We are both trying to make him happy by giving him what he wants, and I understand that this is a fun, vacation-y type time, where things are a little different and some rules get bent. But I can’t let that be to the detriment of our bond. Because in 10 days, she will be leaving, and we desperately don’t want to be back at square one with him.
Some might say that I need to chill out and let it be. But those people didn’t walk through the attachment fire that we have walked through for the past 7 months. We don’t want to go back–it’s not an option.
So what to do? I don’t want to be the party pooper who is inserting myself in a love triangle where I am unwanted (by Matthew) and ruining all of the good times. But I don’t want to let him call all of the shots, if that leads to him trying to alienate me. Am I overreacting? Do I just need to shut up, drink a glass of wine and go to bed?
For now I will stick with shutting up and going to bed….