Every day the wonderful happens…

and I'm here to blog about it.

From the Mixed Up Files….. July 19, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Elizabeth @ 7:03 AM

Last night we began packing up our office. It was a room I have been dreading to tackle, because junk tends to accumulate in there, but soon after diving head first into the filing cabinet (metaphorically, people!!), I came upon a virtual treasure trove of memories.

I found the paint chips of the colors we used when we painted Isaac’s nursery. Everybody together now, “Awwwwwwwwwwwwww”. So sweet.

Then I found the receipt for my wedding dress. $934.92–and that is including veil, alterations, cleaning, etc. Boo-ya, Kleinfeld!!!

Not really, though, because Say Yes to the Dress is one of my favorite shows. It has seriously made me consider jettisoning (is that a word) my biology degree to wear all black every day and be very chic and sell overpriced gowns. But only if Randy can be my sidekick…..

or I can be his. We can work all of this out in the negotiations, people!

Oh, and I tried to find a picture of me looking all elegant in my wedding gown, but I liked this shot better. My face says it all…..sorry guys, I’m taken.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, me and my immature co-workers. Back in my oh-so-glamorous days of pharma employment, our cylinder (that means our local team, but it sounds much more scientific and corporate, right?) was in charge of planning a team-building activity for our larger regional team. I can’t remember exactly what we planned, but before we started, we read this to the team.

It was a joke, of course, but people were freaking out wondering what was about to happen. Hello? Lighten up. Like I said, I can’t remember the exact activity, but later that night, I drank copious amounts of wine and referred to someone in another cylinder as Fire Marshall Bill.

I know, I know. How cruel and uncalled for, right? In my defense, that was before I got my heart right with God……and she (yes, SHE!) really, really reminded me of Fire Marshall Bill.

While you already have a poor opinion of me, I will show you this next thing. I will preface it only by saying that in general, I get rid of everything. I am a minimalist and I just don’t see the point of keeping useless stuff (how ironic considering this post of all the stuff I have kept). Jason is more on the “keep everything” spectrum. We had a heated discussion the last time we cleaned out the file cabinet about some old (elementary-high school) stuff of his. Stuff like report cards, scores for the PSATs, stuff like that. I put it all in this envelope…..

sealed it, and wrote the date across the seal. See below.

My point being, if you didn’t need to reference it for 5 whole years, was it really that important? I thought it was funny. He thinks I am wretched. You decide.

Moving on….

I bet you didn’t know that once I had a dog named Monkey. I bet you didn’t know that she got dressed up all the time and wore hair bows and pearls….

….and had her picture made professionally. I bet you didn’t know she was fancy. Well she was….even her cataracts were fancy. Don’t hate. You could have a fancy dog like that too if you tried really hard.

Finding those pictures reminded me that Monkey wasn’t just fancy on that day…she was also fancy at my wedding.

That’s right–she’s wearing a custom collar of flowers that matched my bouquet. Like I said, don’t hate.

Which also reminded me that Monkey was ALSO present for my senior pictures.

Swallow any liquids in your mouth right now or your monitor will be damaged when you spew it out laughing.

Okay….deep breath….scroll down.

Get it? Cause my name is Elizabeth? And it was 1995? And I was a director? Oh wait, that part isn’t right……and yes, I am fully aware that my hairstyle in the above portrait is eerily similar to Hugh Grant’s hair in the movie Nine Months (my sister doesn’t miss an opportunity to point that out to me). Rest assured that when he went to the salon, he asked for the “Elizabeth”. I did not request the “Hugh”.

Last, but not least, I found our application for the Amazing Race! My sister and I wanted to apply but that year, they were only taking applications for teams of 4. So Jason and I applied along with my 2 sisters. I have been trying to upload our application VIDEO all day to no avail, so I will just leave you with some highlights of our application.

When asked what TV family reminds us of our family, I answered:
Designing Women. Chrissy (oldest sister) is ditzy like Charlene. Abby (middle sister) is spoiled like Suzanne. Elizabeth is mostly normal, like Julia. Jason is our Anthony except he isn’t black and he hasn’t suffered an unfortunate incarceration. If all goes as planned, we hope to be like the Golden Girls in the future. Sorry Jason, let’s face it, men almost always die first and you have high cholesterol.

When asked what skills we have that would make us a good candidate for the Race:
Jason–can drive a stick shift and is able to maintain patience in the midst of 3 hysterical women
Abby–fast clue reader, excellent dog paddling abilities
Chrissy–not afraid of doing stupid, life-threatening challenges, can swim without holding her nose
Elizabeth–decisive, can entertain teammates on long plane rides, big head=looks good on TV.

Still can’t believe the producers never called. I’m sure someone lost their job over that.

So that’s what I found in my file cabinet…..which is so much more entertaining than bank statements, pay stubs and tax returns….I just throw all that lame stuff away……:)


14 Responses to “From the Mixed Up Files…..”

  1. Cori Says:

    OH my gosh. This post was the best part of my day. Hilarious.Monkey is sweet….your devotion to being photographed with her perhaps a little less so. πŸ˜‰

  2. Abby Says:

    P.S.–I miss Monkietta Poinsettia

  3. Abby Says:

    I just cried off what little makeup I applied this morning. Everytime I read your blog I seem to cry for one reason or another. Would you just go on and write a book already, so we can get rich. You know I will find a way to take partial credit for it somehow… πŸ™‚

  4. Sue Says:

    Uh Oh! I still have all you girls' report cards, PSAT scores, etc., etc…just in case you ever want them. Actually, I have all my report cards from 1-8th grade. I'm siding with Jason. They don't take up THAT much room!

  5. kelly Says:

    OMG. I spewed my iced americano before you ever gave that warning – this is HILARIOUS and it definitely made my day. You are so funny. I mean, seriously funny. I don't know what is the funniest part about this – although I do LOVE "The Hugh." And as a HUGE A.Race fan myself, I really wish you guys had made the cut!! I think you should definitely apply again. I've heard their standards are going down anyway …. πŸ™‚

  6. Rachel Says:

    Hi πŸ™‚ I was wondering…would you be able to email me sometime? I have a waiting child question. Thanks! huntforrachel@hotmail.com

  7. Oh my. Like everyone else, I found this hilarious. Not sure what the best part is, though… the fact that the paint chip for Isaac's room was called "Contemplation", the awesome wedding photo, the "outdated accomplishments" folder that had clearly been opened and also had "away" misspelled initially, and the director's chair! HA!Love it.I'm inspired to now gut my closets as well.

  8. Christy Says:

    Thanks for a fun post. As always, you make my day!OK – if we're sharing – I also have a senior picture taken in a director's chair (1996). Unfortunately my parents still have it on display with my lovely outdated hair style. Fortunately no glasses or braces by then but you can just imagine how popular I was in middle school with that description…

  9. I hope no one else in the office can hear me laughing! This was hillarious! I needed this this morning! I too have a director's chair picture from middle school picture day – think spring 1991, tortoise framed glasses, big hair, oversized necklace with new outfit from The Limited. And like Christy, my parents still have this on display at home. Luckily the hair got shorter and i had contacts by the time senior pics rolled around a few years later. Wanted to comment too on the comment you left on my blog yesterday. Michael only started sleeping with us a few months ago. He's been sleeping in his own room since we got home last August. I think we're experiencing some insecurity, but the co-sleeping seems to slowly be helping. I don't mind it if it's helping him. Oh, and love the new blog design! Enjoy packing! It's hard, but always fun when you can go down memory lane too!

  10. shellyct Says:

    That just literally made me laugh out loud. I don't comment much (ever?) but had to chime in about the Hugh… not that your hair looked funny, but your description might be the funniest thing I've read in a LONG time. Loved this whole entire post!

  11. Mom to 3 C's Says:

    Awesome post! But, I gotta side with Jason on this one… some stuff just isn't meant to be thrown away, even if it hasn't been touched in 5 years!Good luck with packing… I plan to live in my house forever just so I never have to tackle cleaning out "the office"!

  12. chris Says:

    I laughed so hard when I saw aged Monkey dressed like a cheerleader–it reminded me of "What Happened to Baby Jane!" But then I laughed even harder at Hugh in the Director's Chair–and that was a good photo compared to some I can find at my house. Let me "have at" your blog just one day–please!Aunt Chris

  13. Tracy Says:

    What fun! Thanks for sharing!!! PS. about the past acomplishments… Our 9th graders actually do a family tree report where they need to gather things from the past of their family members. Keep a few just incase!

  14. Sue Says:

    this was so much fun to read…you are so funny! the outdated accomplishments envelope…the 'hugh'…the amazing race…all hilarious. submit this post for the next season of the amazing race – you'd be a shoe-in!let us know when your book is released….(love the new blog design)

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