Last night we began packing up our office. It was a room I have been dreading to tackle, because junk tends to accumulate in there, but soon after diving head first into the filing cabinet (metaphorically, people!!), I came upon a virtual treasure trove of memories.
I found the paint chips of the colors we used when we painted Isaac’s nursery. Everybody together now, “Awwwwwwwwwwwwww”. So sweet.
Then I found the receipt for my wedding dress. $934.92–and that is including veil, alterations, cleaning, etc. Boo-ya, Kleinfeld!!!
Not really, though, because Say Yes to the Dress is one of my favorite shows. It has seriously made me consider jettisoning (is that a word) my biology degree to wear all black every day and be very chic and sell overpriced gowns. But only if Randy can be my sidekick…..
Oh, and I tried to find a picture of me looking all elegant in my wedding gown, but I liked this shot better. My face says it all…..sorry guys, I’m taken.
Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, me and my immature co-workers. Back in my oh-so-glamorous days of pharma employment, our cylinder (that means our local team, but it sounds much more scientific and corporate, right?) was in charge of planning a team-building activity for our larger regional team. I can’t remember exactly what we planned, but before we started, we read this to the team.
It was a joke, of course, but people were freaking out wondering what was about to happen. Hello? Lighten up. Like I said, I can’t remember the exact activity, but later that night, I drank copious amounts of wine and referred to someone in another cylinder as Fire Marshall Bill.
While you already have a poor opinion of me, I will show you this next thing. I will preface it only by saying that in general, I get rid of everything. I am a minimalist and I just don’t see the point of keeping useless stuff (how ironic considering this post of all the stuff I have kept). Jason is more on the “keep everything” spectrum. We had a heated discussion the last time we cleaned out the file cabinet about some old (elementary-high school) stuff of his. Stuff like report cards, scores for the PSATs, stuff like that. I put it all in this envelope…..
I bet you didn’t know that once I had a dog named Monkey. I bet you didn’t know that she got dressed up all the time and wore hair bows and pearls….
….and had her picture made professionally. I bet you didn’t know she was fancy. Well she was….even her cataracts were fancy. Don’t hate. You could have a fancy dog like that too if you tried really hard.
Finding those pictures reminded me that Monkey wasn’t just fancy on that day…she was also fancy at my wedding.
Which also reminded me that Monkey was ALSO present for my senior pictures.
Swallow any liquids in your mouth right now or your monitor will be damaged when you spew it out laughing.
Okay….deep breath….scroll down.
Get it? Cause my name is Elizabeth? And it was 1995? And I was a director? Oh wait, that part isn’t right……and yes, I am fully aware that my hairstyle in the above portrait is eerily similar to Hugh Grant’s hair in the movie Nine Months (my sister doesn’t miss an opportunity to point that out to me). Rest assured that when he went to the salon, he asked for the “Elizabeth”. I did not request the “Hugh”.
Last, but not least, I found our application for the Amazing Race! My sister and I wanted to apply but that year, they were only taking applications for teams of 4. So Jason and I applied along with my 2 sisters. I have been trying to upload our application VIDEO all day to no avail, so I will just leave you with some highlights of our application.
When asked what TV family reminds us of our family, I answered:
Designing Women. Chrissy (oldest sister) is ditzy like Charlene. Abby (middle sister) is spoiled like Suzanne. Elizabeth is mostly normal, like Julia. Jason is our Anthony except he isn’t black and he hasn’t suffered an unfortunate incarceration. If all goes as planned, we hope to be like the Golden Girls in the future. Sorry Jason, let’s face it, men almost always die first and you have high cholesterol.
When asked what skills we have that would make us a good candidate for the Race:
Jason–can drive a stick shift and is able to maintain patience in the midst of 3 hysterical women
Abby–fast clue reader, excellent dog paddling abilities
Chrissy–not afraid of doing stupid, life-threatening challenges, can swim without holding her nose
Elizabeth–decisive, can entertain teammates on long plane rides, big head=looks good on TV.
Still can’t believe the producers never called. I’m sure someone lost their job over that.
So that’s what I found in my file cabinet…..which is so much more entertaining than bank statements, pay stubs and tax returns….I just throw all that lame stuff away……:)