Every day the wonderful happens…

and I'm here to blog about it.

Yoga, Interrupted September 30, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Elizabeth @ 2:15 PM

I started a yoga class last night. My goal was to find something to help me relax. The fact is that I could take some time and relax at certain points during the day, but I don’t. And I won’t. I count blogging and reading as downtime, and while I enjoy them both thoroughly, I need some more intense relaxation. It’s not really in my DNA to just do nothing. Not when there are dishes to wash, laundry to do, and pee to scrub off the front of the toilet (just keeping it real, I have two 3-year old boys, people). I knew that I needed someone to make me relax.

YOU MUST RELAX. NOW!!!! How relaxing, right?

So anyway, I signed up for a class. One night a week for 90 minutes. Six weeks. I had to pay for it, so once I wrote the check I knew I would do it, no matter what, because I’m cheap like that.

The yoga studio is about 1.5 miles from my house. They said to arrive a few minutes early. I looked up directions online. It was literally two turns. So I didn’t write anything down. Mentally I told myself, “Left on Bluebird, Left on Millenia, you’ll see it”.

Even though the place is really close to my house, I gave myself 20 minutes to get there, because I’m high stress and hate to be late. So I go driving along and take my Left on Bluebird (road names changed to protect the idiot road planners and the poor yoga studio that has to put up with me for 5 more weeks). I start looking for Millenia. It should be right here. I drive and drive. Bluebird ends and tries to spit me out onto the interstate. I drive all the way back, looking and looking and find nothing. I have used up 10 minutes and am starting to feel all kinds of tense. I call Jason and ask him to look up the studio website and see if they mention any landmarks. They don’t. The give the same map that I referenced online. He tells me what I already know, which is WRONG. After snapping at him for things that are beyond his control, and driving through a shifty apartment complex to see if there might be a yoga studio hiding behind it, I break down and call the place. Is it just me or is human interaction by phone with a stranger just the WORST? It seems I will do almost anything to avoid it.

“Poorly Located Yoga Studio,” the woman who answers the phone says, in a ridiculously soothing and quiet voice.

“Yes, I am supposed to be there for the 6 o’clock class and I can’t find you.”

“Where are you?”

“I am on Bluebird. I have driven up and down it 3 times and I can’t find you.”

“Ah, yes,” she says with a calm that makes me want to beat my phone on the dashboard. “You’re going to want to go back to Main Street and turn left and go underneath the interstate and take your first left and then you will see us.”

Okay, this makes no sense to me, but I do it. And what I realize is that I was on Bluebird STREET when I should have been on Bluebird DRIVE. And the stupid online mapping program (I won’t name any names, but it rhymes with Floogle) was WRONG. Okay, breathe deep, you will only be a couple of minutes late. Everybody else probably had the same problem.

So I turn onto the correct Bluebird and immediately see the Millenia shopping center/office park type of place. I turn right in and see absolutely no signage. For anything. But it is a 2-story building with lots of doors. Why didn’t I write down the Suite number???

I walk all the way around the first floor of the building. Nothing. Go up the stairs and walk all the way around. Nothing. I am getting so ticked. Suddenly I look up and see an identical building next to it. At this point, I think of calling my friend who referred me to this place, but I am embarrassed at my cluelessness and ashamed at how agitated I am. I walk around both floors of THAT building before breaking down and calling the studio AGAIN.

“Poorly Located Yoga Studio,” my annoyingly soothing friend says again as she answers.

“Yeah, um, it’s me again, trying to get to the 6 o’clock class. Are you in the first building or the second building?”

“We are in the seventh building.”

“The SEVENTH building????”.

“It’s hard on the first night of class, isn’t it?” she says with a smile in her voice, that instead of comforting me makes me feel like an imbecile. Is it just me or when you find yourself in a situation like this, do you somehow feel like you want to defend your intellect? Why don’t I keep a skill sheet or list of accomplishments on me for times like this?

So I drive up to the seventh building, still clueless of the Suite number, although I know soothing lady told me, and I walk around the building twice until I find it. Actually before I see the sign on the door, I walk past a plate glass window to see about 10 people on their yoga mats facing the window STARING AT ME…… How very much THE OPPOSITE of relaxing can this get? The teacher has to get up and help me get settled which is when I realize that she is the only employee there and she has been leaving her yoga mat to answer the phone and everybody in the room realizes I am the jerk who was too stupid to find this place…..and of course, I want to yell, I AM SMART AND I GAVE MYSELF TWENTY MINUTES TO GET HERE, BUT FLOOGLE WAS WRONG, I TELL YOU, IT WAS FLOOGLE’S FAULT!!!!!!

I go find an empty spot in the back, next to a water aerobics friend that I had talked into taking the class with me. Nobody says anything, except for my sweet friend who mouths, how are you? The only responses I could come up with were, late, stressed, stupid and embarrassed, but I am a southerner so I just said fine. Everything is SILENT. Everyone is content to stare at the girl who has dared to be late and noisy in their presence. I unroll my yoga mat and it smacks loudly against the wood floor.

I sit down and try to chill out. I try to listen to this waytoocalmformytaste instructor. Who calls it practice instead of class. Who is comfortable enough to take long pauses when she is speaking and feels no need to fill the silence. Who probably never explodes into a loud, horsey laugh in inappropriate situations. I realize my water is in my bag and suddenly I need it. The class is 90 minutes long and I am already thirsty. I figure they all hate me anyway, so I get up and walk back to the lobby to get it.

Shockingly, I do not get ejected from class.

Believe it or not, things improve and I find I am able to relax for small bits of time. I find that instead of being super annoyed by how calm this teacher is, I am actually kind of impressed. I seriously enjoy corpse pose and child’s pose. How novel to lay on a floor and not have a dog sniffing at me (yes, we still have a dog–long story–and yet another reason I need stress relief) or children jumping on me. Even if that was all I did, it was worth the money.

So we’ll see. I’m determined not to be the biggest loser next week. I will work extra hard to be relaxed and bendy.

Namaste, y’all.

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Art September 29, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Elizabeth @ 2:39 PM

Here is some of the art the boys have done lately. The other night, I wrote Matthew’s name on some paper, because I know they are working on that in preschool. I left him with the marker while I went to make dinner. He did great!! I see lots of Ms and Ts. And is it me, or did he just write “MOM” over and over again? (I think it is actually M, lowercase a, and an attempt at a W, but we’ll call it “mom”).

This is a self-portrait that Isaac did. I had to label it because he told me what everything was supposed to be. I love that he was out of room on one side so the both arms, ears and shoulders are on the same side of the body!


Love these silly boys!!

 

Scar September 27, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Elizabeth @ 1:29 PM

When I was in college, I had this thing on my face. It was right over my top lip and for the most part, it wasn’t noticeable to anyone but me. It would get swollen sometimes and I kept thinking it was one of those zits that builds up under the skin and hurts soooo bad (my sister and I call those “fainters” because you black out if you try to do anything to it). Anyway after a few months of it coming and going and me blacking out from messing with it, I went to a doctor who said it was a tiny cyst and burned it off.

Anyway, I am kind of a smiley and laughy person and my teeth are too big for my mouth so I smile real big and my mouth is always open. And it took that little burnt spot FOREVER to heal. Every time I laughed too heartily or smiled too big, it would crack and start to bleed. And I knew I needed a good 3 or 4 days of not laughing or smiling widely or that thing was just never going to heal. It was so frustrating.

Eventually, it did heal. I don’t remember how long it took, but it is gone and I barely even have a scar now, but I remember how frustrating that was.

So why am I telling you about my long ago burned facial anomalies?

When we brought Matthew home, I knew not to expect too much from him, if anything. But even going into the situation with low expectations, I hoped–for bonding, for affection, for a smile. As we weathered his grief, rejection, night terrors, etc, I began to feel raw all the time. Raw and painful and hurt and vulnerable and abused. Which I expected for a few months. I wasn’t happy about it, but I knew that after what he had been through, this was just the process–it was to be expected. I knew he was feeling raw too, and I was doing my best to comfort him through it.

But when a few months turned into a lot of months, I wondered when he might begin to heal, and in turn, when I might begin to heal. Some days I didn’t even wonder when we would heal but if it was even a possibility.

Lately, we have a new pattern emerging in our house. Matthew will wake up one day in a great mood. It can last up to 4 or 5 days. It is amazing. Of course, there are the regular 3 year old things, but those don’t bother me a bit. And I spend that time, thinking, Oh thank you, God, we made it, we turned the dreaded corner, and I love him! I love him so much! He is such a joy–an amazing child. Thank you, God! And the rawness begins to feel some relief. The healing begins, and beautiful, new pink skin begins to cover my huge raw spot. The skin is fragile and thin, but it’s a start.

And then for no reason I can find, it is over–just as suddenly as the good mood started, it is over. Everything bothers him. He shows disdain for everything around him. His eyes look empty. He starts arguments over nothing. Seriously, I have to just walk away and leave him telling the wall that he doesn’t want to. This is the phrase he will repeat for days on end–I don’t want to. Doesn’t want to what? I have no idea, and neither does the wall. All I know is that the emerging pink skin is torn, ripped off, and I am raw and bleeding again. I am not naive nor am I so insensitive that I don’t realize that somehow, something happened to his raw spot to cause this behavior. But I am at a loss.

You know that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That apparently means you are insane. But do you know what can MAKE you insane? Doing the same thing every day and GETTING different results. Giving a child the Cheerios he asked for one day and hearing squeals of joy….giving a child the Cheerios he asked for the next day only to have him hurl the bowl across the table. And no, it isn’t ever about Cheerios, it is just something to fight about.

Right now, I would say, I have grown a pretty nice layer of pink skin on my raw spot. My guess is that Matthew has too, because our healing seems to be pretty parallel. But I feel him falling, he is in a good place, but he has been threatening to tumble into the abyss for the past 3 days. His shiny pink skin is being pulled as tightly as it can, and therefore mine is too. I can almost see the little lines of blood underneath, threatening to break through. He is testing me, he is starting things for no reason, he is hurting, and I am trying my best to tend to his wound.

Can Mommy hold you for a while?
Are you feeling sad?
Let’s talk about who loves you. Mommy, Daddy, Isaac. We love you. We will never leave you. We are forever. Omma, Appa, Nuna. They love you. They are in Korea and they will always love you.

The emotional equivalent of Neosporin, Band Aids, bedrest. Will it be enough this time? Can I keep us both from tumbling into that bad place, that place where the scab is all but gone and all that remains is the rawness, the pain?

I know that if we have come this far, I have to believe that one day in the future, all that will remain will be the scar. It won’t ever completely be gone, but it won’t throb or burn anymore. We won’t have to baby it as much. It will only be a visual reminder of the journey that we took together. Some people are self conscious about scars, they might find them ugly. But I don’t care how big or jagged this one is, because if we can make it to the scar phase, it will only mean one thing to me: that we healed.

 

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Cause I’m Nothing if Not Versatile September 24, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Elizabeth @ 1:20 PM

Wow! I got awarded the Versatile Blogger award! My friend Christy over at 3 Little Monkeys Jumping gave me the award. She is a military wife and mother of 2, and her family is awaiting their referral from Korea! Thanks Christy, for the shout out. I have to assume that the versatility you are referring to is my innate ability to write a post about how cute/precious/amazing my boys are less than 24 hours after writing a post that droned on and on about how seriously annoying they are.

Here are the guidelines:

  • Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
  • Share 7 things about yourself.
  • Pass the award along to 7 other bloggers who you recently discovered and think are fabulous.
  • Contact the bloggers you chose and let them know about the award

You would think it might be hard for me to come up with 7 things to share about myself. I thought that too at the beginning of this post. After all, you have seen my Hugh Grant hairstyle. But, there is more to me than bad hair, dear readers. Much more. So without further ado…..

1. I am going to address this point just because so many people made comments about it a while back. Yes, I skipped out on an interview to vet school. I wanted to be a vet for as long as I could remember. In college, I majored in biology and minored in chemistry. I worked for a vet for all 4 years. My GPA was a 3.8. But I started thinking I didn’t want to do 4 more years of school, 4 more years of being so poor and knowing that my scholarships would be over and I would have to turn to loans. I was so ready to have a real life and be done with that student stuff (I think I have always been a little bit elderly). I knew that once I finally finished vet school, I would probably be more interested in a family than a career. So I decided that probably wasn’t going to be my course. And my mom didn’t even stop speaking to me. When I got the interview, I was still going to attend, but it interfered with a trip I had already planned. They did not allow for rescheduling and I took it as a sign that it really wasn’t meant to be. Honestly, I have never regretted it. I love where I am and I wouldn’t be in this exact place if I had gone. It is enough for me to know that I most likely would have gotten in and that I could have done that if that is what I had chosen for myself.

2. While I am totally okay with never being a vet, there are still some things that I would like to do with my life. Learn to play the fiddle. Be considered stylish. Have nice things that my kids don’t trash. Be a blogger that says important things. I have big goals, people.

3. In high school, I was voted Most Likely to Succeed and Most Talented (don’t be too impressed, it was a small school. Like about 35 kids in my graduating class. And no, it wasn’t a private school, I am just from the country). And my mom responded to this by saying, “Most Talented? Why did you get that? What is your talent?”. Kudos, mom. But seriously, I’m not sure myself. Even 15 years later, I am not aware of any talents that I have. On the other hand, I feel like I am one of the most successful people I know, if you count having an awesome husband, cool kids, and being able to find a great stylist at Supercuts successful.

4. I do not like to share food. So stop looking at my plate RIGHT NOW. Get your hands out of my popcorn. For this reason, I buy myself snacks that other family members do not like. I do most of my eating when the kids are in bed. If Isaac asks for something and I don’t want to share it, I tell him it is spicy until he backs off. Unfortunately that doesn’t work with Matthew. I called my husband just this morning and accusingly asked him where the last piece of bacon was. Do not mess with my food.

5. I have never seen Star Wars or any of those movies. And I don’t care to. And most people seem to find this bizarre. I once had a boyfriend who wanted me to watch it with him. Of course it was his favorite movie of all time, and I was trying to be nice. Five minutes in, he turned it off and said he didn’t want me to watch it because then if I didn’t like it, it would crush him and he would rather just leave it be. I thought that was funny at the time, but now I understand. If I gave a friend the Twilight books to read and she gave them back and said they were lame, I would basically defriend her right then and there. Or at least she would be demoted to “Acquaintance I will Smile at in Passing, but Never Hang out With on Purpose Because We Don’t See Eye to Eye on the Important Things in Life”….you know, like who is hotter, Edward or Jacob, when we all know it is Edward.

6. I love pickle juice. I could drink it all day long. Shut up.

7. I wrote about this a few years ago on this blog. But it was before I really had followers or won awards or was called “versatile”. When I was young, we went to a church that had something called “Hallelujah Night” on Halloween…..you know, to keep us impressionable youth away from all of the bad things going on around town. Anyway, you were supposed to dress up like a Bible character. I can’t remember the circumstances but my mom was a single mom and there were 3 of us and suddenly, here it was, Hallelujah Night and I didn’t have a thing to wear. My mom put me in her robe (a satiny, knee length–on her–kimono looking thing that I had always coveted) and called me “Whosoever”. True Story.

Okay, now I am supposed to give this award to 7 other bloggers

1. Sue at All Accounted Four, who recently returned home from Korea with her youngest son, Leo. Yeah, like she’s gonna have time to do this….
2. Jenny at A Chosen Child, who is soon to be a mother of 3–she just got a referral for a daughter from Korea. But most importantly, she shares my Twilight obsession.
3. Jennifer at Anything for You. We “met” years (is it really YEARS??) ago when we were both in the works to adopt boys from China. We bonded over that and she is also a Southerner, which obviously makes her cool.
4. Rachel at Inconceivable Joy. She has her own Matthew from Korea and is starting the paperwork for #2. She has a heart for special needs kiddos, which mean she has my heart too.
5. Tracy at Journey. Her family is praying home their daughter, Emi Faith, another waiting kiddo from Korea.
6. Yvonne at Our Korean American Family, who is the mother to 3 adorable kids from Korea.

Yes, that’s only 6, but naptime is quickly coming to a close. Some of my other very favorite blogs are Rage Against the Minivan, where Kristen is doing a great series that you need to check out called “what I want you to know”. Our Little Tongginator is not only great for a laugh, but her Sunday Linkage is not to be missed. She has also given me many jewels to use as I work to empower Matthew with the words to tell his own story. Any Mommy Out There is amazing. The writing is superb and I leave her blog laughing or crying or both. Every time. Daily Dose of Mama is another fave. Great writing from a fellow omma that I can totally relate to.

Must end this now before I pass out from hyperlink exhaustion. Seriously.
Thanks again, Christy, this was fun!

 

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