A few months ago I stopped carrying a diaper bag. I can’t tell you how freeing it has been. I literally felt like a different person as I walked out the door and around in public. A person that I vaguely remembered: Elizabeth.
We have Craig’s Listed and yard saled the last of our baby stuff. The glider is gone, the crib mattress is gone. And I don’t miss them. I am decorating my house slowly and deliberately in a way that pleases me. Don’t get me wrong–there are still no breakables within reach, and toys are the main motif, but it is a far cry from the bouncy seat/exersaucer/Bumbo/playmat days.
The past few weeks have found me carefully and timidly dressing in nice jeans and flats (sometimes)…..just because. I give myself a pep talk in front of the closet….who cares if you’re just running errands and carpooling kids–you can look nice for that, even if you’re the only person who sees you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that after spending 4 years in a bit of a mommy fog, I am starting to break free. So much of a mom’s identity (especially a stay at home mom) is tied up in mommy-ing….and I was there, and I still am to some extent. But with the boys at this age where they don’t need me every second, where I don’t look as much like a pack mule when I am out with them…I am starting to reconnect with my old self, and remember things about her that I haven’t thought of in years.
Because while I am wife and mommy, I am also the woman…..
who blew off a vet school interview to drive up the east coast with the boy who would become the man that I would marry 4 years later.
who, along with her sister, dressed up like the Dixie Chicks (which included buying a wig, dyeing it, cutting it, and after all of that, burning the cheap thing with a hair dryer!!) and karaoked “Goodbye Earl” and won tickets to their concert….a concert we already had tickets too, but it was still fun.
who used to own (and wear!) a shirt that said “Hold my purse while I kiss your boyfriend”.
who was college roommates with my best friend from first grade.
who detests any entertainment that hinges on fantasy or sci fi or even takes place in another era, but is completely obsessed with the Twilight Saga.
who used to be a couch potato, but learned to love water aerobics and is now trying my hand at yoga.
who drove cross country with my sister and planned our route like this….we’ll go to St. Louis to see the Arch and gamble (riverboats), then we’ll go to Amarillo because that sounds cool, then we’ll go to Oklahoma and learn how to two-step, then to Colorado to see the mountains. Cool–let’s go.
who is obsessed with the movie Grease, the Rent soundtrack, and flashmobs….not to mention how wildly excited I get about any cinematic group dance scene (Footloose, Slumdog Millionaire).
who figured out that if I sang O Holy Night to my cat, he would drool with pleasure.
who had my best friend walk me down the aisle at my wedding….to a Pete Yorn song.
who begged her high school Agriculture teacher to give her a B (that I didn’t deserve–but he gave it to me), but aced Organic Chemistry in college.
who runs like my mom, and finally realized why my mom runs like that–she’s trying not to pee her pants. I am usually successful.
I am also room mom, wife, teacher, daughter, friend, soccer mom (starting tomorrow), sister, electric blanket loving, HGTV fanatic, neice, coupon clipper, blogger, wannabe Korean cooking phenomenon, kisser of boo boos, wiper of tears (and butts), and rescuer of Silkie. And yes, my most treasured title will always be Isaac and Matthew’s mommy.
But you can call me Elizabeth. Nice to meet you.