Every day the wonderful happens…

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Whatnot Wednesday February 9, 2011

Filed under: whatnot — Elizabeth @ 8:57 AM
  • Jason and I went to the movies to see “The Fighter”.  I have a thing for sports movies, and boxing movies in particular.  And I LOVED that reality TV show called “The Contender” (It didn’t hurt that Sugar Ray Leonard was the host–hubba hubba).  I hate actual sports, though—loathe them.  Anyway, moving on, it was a great movie, and about halfway through, I whispered to Jason–this could be our chance!  We need to start a slow clap at the end of this movie! Well, it is based on a true story and at the end, right as the credits began to roll, they showed some footage of the real-life brothers from the movie.  The resemblances to the actors’ portrayals was so shocking that we forgot to start our slow clap until people were already walking out.  Nobody joined us.  It was disappointing.  Jason suggested we sneak into Black Swan and try again at the end of that (because I’m sure it would be totally appropriate), but we had to get home to the sitter.  Darn it.
  • The boys are absolutely not allowed to tell us or each other to “go away”.  It is something Matthew says when he’s mad and he flails his arms at us like he is hitting us.  We have a rule that we do not tell family to “go away” because we are all together forever (like it or not, kids).  Anyway, tonight I sent Isaac to the corner and he wanted to hurt my feelings, but didn’t want to get in any more trouble so he looked at me meanly and said, “you go to a rock!”.
  • In less than 3 months, I am going to have two 4-year olds.  On the one hand, that’s messed up.  On the other hand, it’s a little bit closer to full time school for the both of them.  So there’s that.
  • I am very squeamish about wounds, in general (who isn’t?), but particularly on my own body.  I can handle all kinds of blood and gore in other capacities.  I worked for a vet for almost 4 years and some of the things I saw (and smelled) were indescribable.  I even assisted in a leg amputation on a black lab named Tootsie Roll (but who, from then on, we referred to as Tricerabottom).  But anyway, whenever I have any kind of ailment, deep cut or wound, I cannot look at it, or even think about it without legitimately blacking out and almost throwing up.  I cannot change my own band aid when I get a mole removed.  When I got my belly button pierced, I would almost faint every time I cleaned it.  Ditto for eyebrow ring.  Yes, I had an eyebrow ring, which I had to remove when I went to work at a dude ranch, and they decided it did not fit the “family image” they were trying to convey.  ANYWAY, I am telling you this because right now, I have some kind of eye ailment.  Pinkeye or some such germ that is causing my eye to be red, swollen and a bit gooky.  It was crusted closed this morning when I woke up–not painful at all, but wouldn’t you know it, I started blacking out as I cleaned it with a washcloth.  I am an incredible ninny.
  • You will all be happy to know that I did get my haircut, finally.  Chopped all the Carol Brady flaps off and left them on the salon floor.  What I have noticed is that right after I get my haircut, for about 7-10 days, the hair at the crown of my head is so short that it has no choice but to stand straight up.  I call it my rooster hair.  It is very much like Kate Gosselin’s old ‘do, but minus the reverse mullet.

Given the right amount of time and product, I can get it looking pretty good, but sometimes, like this morning, when I was rushing to get the boys to school and myself to water aerobics, it looks more like this……..

I wish I was kidding.  I was walking into the building and saw my reflection in a glass door and I literally had a right angle in my hair.  I actually guffawed.  All I need is an electric violin to complement the look.  Hells yeah.

  • While going through Matthew’s backpack, I came across something entitled “A Valentine Survey”.  It was clearly one of those things where the teacher asks the kids questions and they give their answers, thus providing you with a hilarious snapshot into their life as it was on Valentine’s Day 2011.  Seven of the 8 answers were very predictable.  My favorite color is blue.  I like to eat apples and cheese.  I like to ride on a train.  My favorite thing to do at school is paint.  I like to wear my blue dress.  I like to play with my friend, Brandon.  Wait a minute, back up there–my blue dress???  I later found out that he thinks shirts are dresses.  Who knew?
  • I had the most bizarre dream last week.  We decided to have a third child (and that’s not even the weirdest part!!), and we opted to have me inseminated by a Korean man.  Somehow in our minds that was a “middle of the road” option between adopting and having a bio child.  Is that not the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard of??  I woke up completely bewildered….mostly at the thought of raising 3 kids.
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    11 Responses to “Whatnot Wednesday”

    1. Jaime scott Says:

      I laughed when I read the part about your dream of being insemminated by a korean man. Even your dreams are hilarious!!

    2. Christy Says:

      I came to read this in the morning because I really feel I needed to laugh. I was not disappointed (I hope you’re not offended by this – and take it as the compliment it’s meant to be – my favorite people are people who make me laugh). Your dream put me over the edge!

    3. Meredith Says:

      Just laughed put loud at your prospective Korean insemination! Thanks for the chuckles 🙂

    4. Grace Says:

      these whatnot wednesday posts never fail to make me laugh — love ’em!
      i am disappointed that your slow clap did not catch on…your time will come, elizabeth!
      kate gosselin’s reverse mullet is hilarious! you should have posted a picture of your freshly cut hair for a side by side comparison! i’m sure your ‘do is much cooler anyway. 🙂
      and that dream? whoa baby! hilarious! i’m amazed that your thinking in your dreams is even *somewhat* logical…mine is just always trippy…i guess you could argue that yours was trippy, too, though 😉

    5. Jenny Says:

      Ok, that is the funniest dream ever and yet such a great idea, I mean not really but yet kind of genius, then you would have one white child, one Korean, and one white/Korean, that kind of balance makes me feel safe, I’m a little type A 🙂

      I have some more insight into you with the belly ring/eyebrow ring thing…definitely braver than me!

    6. Shilpa Says:

      I love the part about not telling each other to go away. My favorite part of this movie, “Spanglish” (which otherwise is a really terrible movie) is when the girl asks for some space and the mother says “There is no SPACE between us.”

    7. Becky Says:

      Oh, you make me laugh! I love the stories you tell about your kids, and the insemination by a Korea man – hilarious! But no picture of the new ‘do?

    8. Kelly Says:

      Oh how I wish you had gotten the reverse mullet! Oh well. Dude, that dream was Bee-Zarre!!! Too bad the slow clap didn’t work 😦 Maybe next time …

    9. Joanna Says:

      I wish we lived closer, cuz you are hilarious!! I laughed out loud from your ‘Revenge of the Nerds’ hair style.
      The only movie the slow clap ever worked for me was at “Swingers.”

    10. OK, I was totally laughing out loud (I refuse to write LOL. except I just did) at the dream. I even went so far as to read it to Adam b/c I couldn’t stop chuckling. He shared in my laughter and then, very seriously, said “well, that sounds about right.” He agreed with your “middle of the road” determination. Do you see what I put up with? And he’s AWAKE right now.
      Bummer about the missed slow-clap opportunity! Or should I say clapportunity? I think I should.
      So the squeamish thing… I’m in TOTAL agreement, except that my problem is with other people’s wounds. In fact, I am just thinking about Adam’s last gash and can (seriously) feel the bile rising in my throat. I’m fine with my own wounds, but other people’s? Oh my god. I have to stop typing about it now.

    11. anymommy Says:

      I love “go to a rock.” And I’m so with you on wounds and blood. Total baby here.


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