Sit down. I have some news.
I am not technologically savvy. I am not “with it”.
Shocking, I know.
The very fact that I have a blog that is up and running and semi well-kept (aside from the fact that now that I’ve changed my background, I can’t come up with a suitable size for any of my pictures. They are either too small or completely cut off) is a miracle in and of itself. I do not text. I still see abbreviations on Facebook that I do not understand. If you use fancy (anything more complicated than LOL) abbreviations, I cannot comment on your status, because I don’t understand it.
Four years ago, when Isaac was 2 weeks old, I had a minor panic attack because I wanted to share pictures of him and I had no idea how to upload to the kodak website. This was way back yonder before blogs and Facebook were invented I was plugged in. I had a Motorola Razr (heck, I still do)–wasn’t that fancy enough????
I’ve come a long way since then, but I still have a ways to go. Just last week, I wanted to install a button (the pretty one to your right) on my sidebar and it took me forever (and one email to a friend) to figure it out. I partly blame wordpress and their “edgy lingo”. They make up words like “Blavatar” and expect regular people to automatically know what that means. They encourage me to make my blog “sticky”. I don’t know what that means, but I do know that nobody wants to go to a movie theater with sticky floors, so I’m thinking readership would drop dramatically if my blog became sticky. (Just to reassure you neat freaks out there, my blog is cleaned and sanitized daily!). With all this craziness, how is Joe the Plumber supposed to keep a blog going when they make it so complicated???? Elizabeth the Fitness Instructor is having a hard enough time as it is. And she’s pretty smart. I’m just sayin’.
But anyway, even though it’s way above my pay grade, and frankly premature since I only have about 17 dedicated readers, I really wanted to make a blog button. Or badge. Whatever it’s called. I just think they’re fancy….and a couple of people had mentioned to me that it might be fun for me to add a linky on Whatnot Wednesdays so that others can join in. Or maybe the same person just mentioned it twice. I should look into her. She could be a stalker. Hi Lori.
Just kidding. LOL (that means laughing out loud for those of you who are even worse off than I am).
So I poured a glass of whiskey and lit a cigarette and googled “How to Make a Blog Button”. No, that’s too dramatic. I actually had some sweet tea and was just sitting at the coffee table while Jason was watching some basketball game. Something about the Final Four. I’m not sure–it was all a blur. No really–those basketball players run fast and I wasn’t wearing my glasses. It was actually blurry.
I dove headfirst into HTML, which if I’m being honest, I used to think was just an abbreviation for Hotmail. I cursed and pulled at my hair and threw my computer on the ground. Okay, fine, I may be over-dramatizing again. I whined and looked at Jason and said, “Baaaaaaabe! I cannot figure this out!” and surfed through some WordPress help forums. I tried over and over and emailed my friend, Lori, and kept asking her to try the code and see if it worked. Thank goodness, she was being very encouraging and answering me in real time (on a Saturday night!), thus proving that neither of us have very exciting lives. And then something clicked (more than likely, it was my mouse).
I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to replicate anything of this caliber again. It was all like a dream. But I have it. My precious. My button. I even figured out how to make it “grab-able” (see sidebar), which was the hardest part!
So, if I can master this Mister Linky thing (which could be a stretch), we might just have us a party going on Wednesdays. So start de-cluttering your brain if you think you want to join in and link up.
Or you can just stop by to admire my button. Just don’t leave a comment here telling me that they now teach “blog button making” in first grade. Because that would force me to beat you over the head with my Motorola Razr.