Every day the wonderful happens…

and I'm here to blog about it.

I Miss Him More than Books July 19, 2011

Filed under: adoption thoughts,Matthew,the adjustment — Elizabeth @ 4:19 PM

Last week, I had to take Isaac to an out-of-town appointment with his allergist. We had to leave at 7:30 AM and my aunt was going to keep Matthew (good thing too, because we were at the allergist’s office for 6.5 hours. You can read about that here.)

Anyway, my aunt suggested that Matthew spend the night with her the night before, just for convenience.  I wasn’t sure if he was ready to spend the night away by himself.  I wasn’t sure if this would be a step back for us attachment-wise.  I wasn’t sure how Isaac would feel about it.  Jason and I talked about it.  We asked Isaac his opinion (he went on record saying it was not a good idea because he would miss Matthew too much), and finally we asked Matthew.

It was no surprise that he jumped at the idea.

{Or that he gloated about it, getting in Isaac’s face and saying, “I spend Aunt Chris.  YOU NO COME!!!}

On Tuesday afternoon, when Aunt Chris came to pick him up, he ran off without looking back.  I tried to spend some special time with Isaac by taking him to the library and letting him choose dinner (waffle and fruit!).  As bedtime drew near, Isaac was getting sad because he missed his brother.  I told him, “I know what might cheer you up.  What if Daddy and I BOTH lay down with you and read you books?”.  He hung his head and said, “that won’t work.  I miss him more than books.”

Isaac drew this picture of himself with his Silkie--obviously missing Matthew.

Meanwhile at my aunt’s house, Matthew was getting ready for bed.  We decided to call and tell him good night.  My aunt put the phone on speaker and she said that Matthew got fidgety and nervous when he heard Isaac’s voice.  Then I got on the phone…..and he wouldn’t talk to me.

Because he was doing the silent scream.  The one where he is crying silently, but he is really just drawing in his breath for a really big sob.

At first, I was worried.  Maybe we were traumatizing him for life.  We got off the phone and waited a few minutes, then I had Jason call back to see if we should go pick Matthew up.  But by then, he was fine, and eating chocolate ice cream in a hammock.

Aunt Chris reported that he cried again at bedtime, but also that he was easily comforted.

And I hope this doesn’t sound terrible, but…..I was relieved.  He actually missed us.  He had a normal emotional response about being away from us.  A response that Isaac might have had if he was gone.

Granted, the next evening when I saw him, he barely acknowledged me and tried to push me off the couch because somehow my presence was disturbing his enjoyment of “Little Einsteins”, but I knew.

He loves us.  He really loves us.

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10 Responses to “I Miss Him More than Books”

  1. KJ Says:

    Congratulations! I know exactly what you mean…and thats’s big. Like you said, he missed you in exactly the right way, and he mastered it. Fantastic.

  2. hardingswing Says:

    Just precious. Your boys are precious!

    So glad to hear the love M has for you, and that Isaac also missed his brother.

  3. Christine Says:

    Yes he really does! But seeing the evidence is just a plus to what you already know in your heart, isn’t it?

  4. Kelly Says:

    I love both your boys. They are just the sweetest … in totally different ways from each other, but still. Oh and besides being a super heartwarming post, this was also very funny.

  5. Melissa Says:

    Oh, that is just precious – Isaac missing Matthew!

  6. Jenny Says:

    the image of Matthew doing the silent cry (a favorite of Chloe’s) broke my heart, even though it’s a good thing. I’m so glad that it went well…I’m not sure when I’ll ever let Jack stay somewhere w/o either us or Kylynn, although I never worried about Kylynn at that age.

    I’m behind on my blog reading but I’ll have to read about 6.5 hours at the allergist, that takes the cake, I’ve had some long apts with Jack but not THAT long! 🙂

  7. Your kids are so darn cute. I mean, seriously, “YOU NO COME!” Love it! And “I miss him more than books.” My heart is melting.

  8. Tracy Says:

    That is so wonderful.. he does love you! You are a blessed momma!!!

  9. Elizabeth Says:

    Oh my goodness… this post made me both laugh and cry. Isaac’s drawing? perfection. So incredibly sweet. Is that a belly-button in the middle?
    Taking the girls away like that is my BIGGEST fear. I so worry that they’ll just have the time of their lives and not miss us a bit. I’m hoping we have a similar experience. Because darn it, I want to feel loved too! 🙂

  10. Grace Says:

    awwww, what a milestone! and i love isaac’s drawing and the way he described the way he missed matthew…and matthew…oh, matthew. my heart was smiling and then breaking and then smiling again.


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