Every day the wonderful happens…

and I'm here to blog about it.

Let’s Pretend Like my Brain isn’t Turning to Mush and Leaking out my Ears July 25, 2011

Filed under: everyday life,huh?,Isaac,mommy brain — Elizabeth @ 5:35 PM

Isaac has a new game.

Hold up, because “game” really implies that this new activity is fun.  Let me start over…..

Isaac has a new annoying habit.

(Bless his heart.)

We’ll call it “Let’s Pretend”.  Now, I am all about some pretend play.  Who doesn’t love pretending?  We do pretend parties multiple times per day, he gives voice to his Thomas trains, I’ve even had to be Sir Topham Hatt and give him orders while he rides his bike.  Heck, I’ve even had to pretend to be Spencer and race him (on foot) while he rides his bike.  This, he asks, of a woman with stress incontinence.

The utter cruelty.

But even that would be preferable to the new game.  I think he came up with it as he has recently discovered his joy of bossing people around teaching people new things.  Either that or he is a demented genius who has been formulating the exact way to drive me over the edge.

We’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s the former.

“Let’s Pretend” started out innocently enough.  One day while he was playing trains and I was plotting out my Words with Friends strategy, he said, “let’s pretend you don’t know what the Island of Sodor is”.  Now I can’t just sit there stupidly and wait to hear.  I have to inquire in an interested fashion, “Now tell me about this island where all of your trains live,” while he looks down trying to suppress a huge smile.

Actually, it was kind of cute when it started.  He was just wanting me to be more engaging.

But then it got more constant.

Let’s pretend you’ve never seen a turntable.

Let’s pretend you didn’t know that tracks could have hills.

Let’s pretend you don’t know who Cranky is.

(I apologize for all of this in-depth train lingo!)

Okay, fine, the game is rather annoying, but I’ll play along.  Then we had company on Saturday and my child is yelling over the adult conversation:

Let’s pretend you don’t know who Thomas is!  When you hear PEEP PEEP, you ask, “what’s that noise?”.

Let’s pretend you didn’t know trains could talk!  When they talk, you ask, who is that talking!!

Then at dinner (a time when I really couldn’t be any more engaging than I already am–I mean, it’s not like my tortellini is all that interesting)…..

Let’s pretend you’ve never seen honeydew.

Let’s pretend you’ve never tried water.

Let’s pretend you don’t know how to use a fork.

At this point, I am beginning to think that if there is alien life out there, and if they really do abduct people to learn more about the human race, that they would hit the jackpot by abducting Isaac.  He would be able to teach them about everything.  And they wouldn’t even have to pretend!  They don’t know what the Island of Sodor is!  They don’t know what water is!  They would think he’s their captive audience–they don’t have a clue!

Now, I’m not saying I want my kid to be abducted by an alien.  But on the off-chance that he is abducted by aliens, it would be good if they would take him on an afternoon when an “Income Property” marathon is showing on HGTV.  I mean, I might as well get to put the quiet time to good use.

Oh dear.  I think I got off on a tangent there.

So anyway, he started up again today at 6:45 AM.  But throughout the day, he added a twist to the game.

Let’s pretend I don’t know what Wowbutter is.

Let’s pretend I’ve never brushed my teeth.

Let’s pretend I’ve never seen Clifford before.

Then, and I kid you not, after lunch, he plopped down in the living room floor, and his face glazed over into a blank look and said, “Let’s pretend I’ve never done anyfing”.

I played along for a minute, but I didn’t think he was going to settle for anything less than me re-teaching him every skill set he’s acquired over the past 4 and a half years.  Since that wasn’t going to happen, I herded him upstairs for nap time.

He plopped down in the hallway saying, “Let’s pretend I don’t know how to walk”.

{deep breath}

So here’s what I’m thinking.  Let’s pretend we’re trying to lure an alien spaceship to our house.  Let’s pretend that aliens really like to eat Little Debbies…star crunches to be exact.  Let’s pretend that the next time an “Income Property” marathon comes on, we will cover our roof with Star Crunches to lure the aliens in….on the off-chance that they are out trolling for hapless humans to teach them about life on our planet.


12 Responses to “Let’s Pretend Like my Brain isn’t Turning to Mush and Leaking out my Ears”

  1. Jen Says:

    LOL!! Or at least that he will sit (safely, of course) on the roof, waiting for the aliens, so you can enjoy HGTV in silence 🙂 My kids are driving me insane too (if it is possible that I could become more insane)! I am now turning into that mom that, while her friends/co-workers are conveying their stories of infertility and their angst at not having children yet, I look at them and blurt out “Don’t worry- once they are here, you’ll wonder why you did this to yourself”! So glad I am NOT alone in this! I love my kids more than life itself, but I am fairly certain, if humans knew this stage would come, the race would have ended eons ago! I can just see the caveman’s son with him “Let’s pretend you never invented the wheel”, “Let’s pretend you did not discover fire”….. Extinct like the dinosaurs, I tell you 🙂

  2. Lori Says:

    I don’t like pretend play… but I’m really amazed at how consistent he is in his new game. What FUN!! I am actually sure that Isaac would be a really good choice for the aliens. I think he could teach them all kinds of great stuff:) Here’s hoping a new game is developed soon! 🙂

  3. Renee Says:

    Ha!Ha! I think kids do those things so the other annoying things they do don’t seem so bad and can now get away with more. They are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes!

  4. Beth Says:

    Oh my goodness, I about peed my pants laughing at this!

  5. Christine Says:

    I bet that upcoming weekend away is becoming more appealing by the nano-second. lol

  6. Jenny Says:

    Let’s pretend that it’s only four more days till your weekend away!

    I am convinced that Isaac is some sort of genius, I mean really who thinks of this stuff (in case you’re making it all up, you would have a very successful fiction writing career, just saying) 🙂

    My favorite part was let’s pretend I don’t know anything! Ha!

    as always thanks for the laugh.


  7. Yvonne Says:

    yep – I too would go crazy with this game. I have a hard enough time with the “mommy, I can’t walk/turn on the light by myself/use the potty, etc “game” and there isn’t even any “let’s pretend” at the beginning.

    And I agree – one of the best blog post titles ever.

  8. deb jacobs Says:

    that was hilarious =) xx

  9. Melissa Says:

    Hmmm, let’s put Rory and Isaac in a room together and enjoy some peace and quiet.

  10. christine m tomberlin Says:

    Do what I imagine Matthew does…hunker down and zone in to your own thing and say, “Go way, Isaac.”

  11. Elizabeth Says:

    Oh boy… so do you ignore? Humor him? Want to start drinking heavily?
    Let’s pretend you have a son who tells you “let’s pretend.” 😉

  12. Rachel Says:

    I serious love your kids and your sense of humor! Thanks for having us over, we should totally do it more often!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s