Every day the wonderful happens…

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Time Is On Our Side November 16, 2011

Filed under: adoption thoughts,looking back,Matthew,the adjustment — Elizabeth @ 9:11 AM

This is a week of anniversaries, of remembering.  Two years ago we were in Korea, meeting our youngest son.  Last Saturday was the anniversary of getting on the plane to Korea.  Monday was the anniversary of meeting him for the first time.  This Saturday will be our second family day.

But today?  Today’s occasion is different, and somehow even more special.  Today marks the day that Matthew has lived with our family longer than he’s ever lived anywhere else.  Today is a day of permanence.

This isn’t an occasion I’m going to discuss with Matthew.  Not right now, although as he gets older and feels more comfortable with his story, we will go there.  (For now, the fact that he talks about being born in South Korea and being adopted is a huge thing.)

As I’ve come to learn with nearly every milestone in adoption, an occasion I’ve looked forward to with happy anticipation also brings sadness.  I’m so happy that we have been able to provide permanence for him.  And I’m also quite angry for him that it has taken 4.5 years to have this kind of permanence.  It makes me sad to think of the first 6 months of his life–such an important time for attaching and bonding to someone, anyone, and he was let down.  I think of the wonderful home that was provided by his foster family from the time he was 6 months until he was 2.5 and I feel terrible that he had to leave that.

But here we are.  This is forever.

As the years go by, I see him settling in.  It helps that we are a family big on traditions.  At Christmas, I imagine him thinking–I remember this.  We put a tree in the living room.  We ride that train and meet Santa.  Jingle the Elf visits us.  We wear special pajamas and that one–that one right there is MY stocking.  We get down the music box that Nuna gave me in Korea.  We do this every year.  I get it.

Or on vacation–Okay, we always drive to this same house.  We turn in and drive over the rocks and over a bridge and I know this house!  There are toys in a basket and I always sleep in THIS room.  There is the pool and we drive to the beach and I remember.  We do this every summer.  I was here the last time we came and next summer we will come again.  Together.

I won’t go all cliche and say that time heals all wounds, because it doesn’t.  And while we’re on cliches, love doesn’t always conquer all, either.  But I do see him healing.  And in a way, time and love are both playing a part.

So today, I won’t mention this anniversary to him, but I will make him hoddeok as an after school treat……and  I will pray that he feels the safe and warm feeling of forever in his heart.


11 Responses to “Time Is On Our Side”

  1. christine m tomberlin Says:

    How right you are…traditions! Isnt it funny how that grounds us and makes memories! I am so happy Matthew found you.

  2. Yvonne Says:

    happy anniversary week! and I remember reaching the day when our children were with us longer than in Korea and there is something about it that is worth pausing, reflecting, and remembering. Enjoy the hoddeok (yummy!) and making memories and traditions together.

  3. Jenny Says:

    love this Elizabeth and it is such a big milestone that Matthew has been home longer than he’s been with any other family. Love your thoughts on traditions, that is so important and I need to remember that. Enjoy this week of celebrations!

  4. Beth Says:

    This is an amazing, important day for you. Write about it, write how the day goes so that years from now you can tell him about it. I know you have waited ling for this day

  5. I remember how precious this day was for us as well. I didn’t realize that your Matthew came home to you at 2.5 years old. So he really truly remembers Korea still. I hope he enjoys his hoddeok today!

  6. Grace Says:

    so beautiful…congratulations — what a wonderful milestone and a beautiful refection.

  7. deb jacobs Says:

    that’s just beautiful, elizabeth xoxoxo

  8. Joann murphy Says:

    A great milestone…he is loomin so h#appy these days!

  9. Christy Says:

    Tears of happiness and sadness. Sadness for the past hurts, but happiness for the safety and permanence of home and family. Thanks for sharing. So happy you’ve reached this milestone.

  10. Melissa Says:

    Definitely a big day! I remember this anniversary for Rory especially since she was 17 months old when she came home. Precious milestones.

  11. Kelly Says:

    Oh Elizabeth, this post is both beautiful and painful at the same time. You are exactly right about everything here. I’m so happy Matthew now has permanence, and traditions, and he’s in your awesome family. And of course you guys are so lucky to have him.

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