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Musings on Zumba March 26, 2012

Filed under: randomness,we so crazy — Elizabeth @ 10:15 PM

Tonight I took my first Zumba class.  Yes, I’m always a few years behind the trends.  I didn’t read the Twilight series until after Eclipse came out at the theaters.  I was late to blogging and to Facebook.  So it’s only natural that I’m way behind on the Zumba craze.  On the way there, I was worried that I would love it and immediately want to be a Zumba teacher.  That’s how it went with Mary Kay….and water aerobics.  If I like something, I jump on board big time!  Heck, I decided to go a couple meals without eating meat, gluten, and dairy, and I’ve been doing it for a month now.  That’s just how I roll.

But never fear, dear reader.  Zumba teaching is not in my future.  Not remotely.  Although I do plan to return to class and jiggle uncoordinatedly (not a word?  well it should be) on the back row.  Here are just some of the reasons you won’t find me teaching a Zumba class…..

  1. I would never be able to master that excited, open-mouthed, cocky look that dancers get.  You know the one.  Just picture any child dancer from the Star Search years.  Cannot do it.  Don’t want to.
  2. I don’t ever want these words to cross my lips:  Get your freak on, Miss Alice!!
  3. My left hand is not capable of doing jazz hands.  And although my right hand can successfully get jazzy, my arm fat jiggles and makes me self-conscious.
  4. When I’m supposed to be jiggling my chest, like a Latin diva, nothing happens up there.  For many reasons–I don’t have a lot going on in the first place and secondly, I was wearing a sports bra.  But the fact that my rear end was jiggling gratuitously when my chest should have been….well, that was just weird.
  5. I could not point at the class participants and believably tell them they look hot or sexy.  I mean, as a fitness instructor, I try to be encouraging, but I do draw the line somewhere.  Frankly when I got told that I was looking sexy, it made me blush and wonder if I should dial it back a little.
  6. I would be afraid that if I was ever out dancing at a wedding or a club (that’s actually laughable–I will probably never enter another club in my life!) that I would do Zumba moves.
  7. Can we just get real here for a minute?  Are you okay with that?  So I’ve birthed a baby.  My lower organs are damaged goods.  I tee tee a little bit every time I sneeze or God forbid, jump, and this class had a lot of bouncing.  Let’s just say, that I’m pretty sure that the English translation of Zumba is:  don’t forget your Depends.
  8. My poor rhythm and coordination are obvious roadblocks for me.  I figure that my workout was 30% better than most peoples though, because if I couldn’t get my feet to do the right moves, I would just move them about as quickly as I could, hoping that all the teacher would see was a crazy blur of unshaved legs and capri pants.

Alas, I shall leave Zumba instruction to the professionals.  You can find me on the back row getting my freak on with Miss Alice.  Well not with her….oh, you know what I mean.

But I would like to get some of those superfly, hip hop Zumba pants……a girl can dream.

 

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9 Responses to “Musings on Zumba”

  1. Hope Says:

    THAT. WAS. FUNNY!

  2. Jodi Wells Says:

    Love it. And I love Zumba…I always grab a choice spot on the back row when I go and no matter how hard I try, I can never master that “sexy shake” of the upper body thing. Never. It is always just my upper body jutting forward at different intervals while my arms flail about. Kind of like a rag doll. Glad to know I am not alone 😉

  3. Love it and dido!I have never been to a zumba class and don’t want to.Doesn’t sound all that fun to me.I prefer line dancing to country tunes.

  4. MK Says:

    Exactly.what.I.needed!

  5. Frenchie Says:

    Oh my goodness, this is hilarious. On my foray into getting a gym membership (still undecided), I stopped by the group exercise class during a tour and witnessed a zumba class, and it is exactly as you describe it.

  6. Beth Says:

    Yep, that is me at Zumba!! Thank you for that laugh today. SOOOO NEEDED IT! I just had someone walk over to my desk wondering what I was laughing about. OOPS….. I did let them read this post, but no fears, I did NOT give out my password. LOL!!!!

  7. Tiffany Says:

    I have a few things: 1. I did zumba for a bit here…but it was held in the back of a pub with a sticky floor. 2. Your zumba instructor sounds way more interesting than mine. 3. I had to stop because everytime I went I thought I was going to pee my pants when I had to jump and kick at the same time.

  8. I’m scared of zumba because step class is too rhythmic for me. Our Y zumba instructor has an enormous personality and is hilarious. I’m definitely intimidated. I’m so impressed that you plan to return…and I’m sure that it really is fun.

  9. mlewis597 Says:

    That is hilarious! I’ve always wanted to try Zumba but am way too much of a chicken.


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