Every day the wonderful happens…

and I'm here to blog about it.

The Story November 9, 2012

Filed under: adoption thoughts,and that's how I feel about that,faith,Matthew — Elizabeth @ 9:24 AM

I’m not embarrassed to admit that as a Christian, I still struggle with understanding things–great big theological things and even some day-to day issues.  I still have a lot of “whys” and I think that is okay.  I don’t necessarily need the answers myself, because that is basically the definition of faith, believing even when you don’t understand.  Most of the time it is enough for me to know that I may not ever know the answers during my time on earth.  That is fine for me.  But it is harder when other people question me….like people who are not Christians, who want me to have the right answers.  Or when I need to explain things to my children.

Adoption is one of these issues for me.  Adoption is wonderful–it sets the lonely in families.  I know so many beautiful families formed by adoption.  But I hate that it has to exist.  I hate it.  I don’t know how to answer these questions, of why.  I don’t like the neat little stories, tied with bows, told to children, that end with “you were made for our family”.  I just don’t believe that.  And yet, in the same breath, as a Christian, I do believe that God always knew that Matthew would end up in our family–that we would raise him.  This was written since the beginning of time.  But God didn’t make Matthew for us.  I’ve never been able to get on that train.

Yesterday, I sat down and downloaded a few songs I have been wanting on my ipod.  One of them was “The Story” by Brandi Carlile, a song I have always liked, but I’ve never really had time to listen to the lyrics.  I played it over and over again and began to learn the lyrics and sing along.

You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what
I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…

And I started to cry as I finally came to a place where I could make a little more sense out of our story….out of adoption.  Matthew wasn’t made for us, or for me.  But Jason and Isaac and I?  We were made for Matthew.  When Plan A fell through for Matthew, we were here, and God had prepared this family to be exactly what it needed to be.

Jason, so kind and with a seemingly never-ending well of patience.

Isaac, so loving and empathetic.  So willing to take Matthew’s hand and be his buffer to the outside world.

And me, so structured and stubborn.  God knew Matthew was going to need the routine, the traditions, my unwillingness to give up or give in.

I think I understand now.  Maybe not perfectly, but just a little better.

Thanks, Brandi.

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby, I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you

You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what
I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

Brandi Carlile “The Story”

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7 Responses to “The Story”

  1. Jerusha Says:

    Not plan A…just wrote about that…totally agree with you. My oldest son–so similar to your Isaac. And structured/stubborn/unwilling to give up or in? Oh my, that is me!!! 🙂 Yes, I think we were made for Shu.

  2. Beautifully said. I’ve often thought that I was made for S & R. The bible does say we have to give up our life to find it. Each individual is important to God and sometimes he asks us to do as he did (on a minute scale of course) to save it. And God is using Matthew to show you who he is and what he expects of his children. Love it!

  3. mlewis597 Says:

    Oh, I love this. Yes, the three of you were made for Matthew.

  4. Barbara Says:

    I first heard that song on the movie, “The Lucky One.” It stick with me so I bought it and love it. I like your perspective of the lyrics. Our families definitely have similarities!

  5. aunt chris Says:

    Someday, Matthew may sing that song and think the words were written for him–as he thinks about you.

  6. Kelly Says:

    You totally put into words many of my own feelings. I am so uncomfortable with the thought of adopted children being meant/made for us. Just seems off to me. You are spot-on the way you turned it around. I love it, and totally agree with you!

  7. Great perspective. Adoption is so complicated. My heart aches when I think of how Adam’s birth mother must feel every day about having to give up her first baby. I am so lucky to get to see his beautiful face every day and could not be more grateful to God that his story is intertwined with ours.


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